A Change in Focus

April 1: 

This morning I woke up and decided it was time.

No more whimsy.
No more snack-based decision making.
No more dramatic flopping onto pillows because the vibes were “too much.”

As of today, I am a very serious plush professional.

I have prepared a structured daily schedule:
6:00 a.m. – Wake up with purpose
6:15 a.m. – Review important documents
6:30 a.m. – Stand near window and think about quarterly growth
7:00 a.m. – Plain oatmeal
7:15 a.m. – Firm handshake practice
7:30 a.m. – Synergy

Pandy said, “You don’t know what synergy means.”
And I said, “That is exactly the kind of limiting attitude that keeps visionaries down.”

I have also made several major lifestyle changes.

First, I am no longer interested in snacks unless they are called “performance fuel.”
Second, I have replaced naps with “horizontal strategy sessions.”
Third, I am now referring to Mini Blue as my Emotional Support Associate.

Mini Blue did not care for this.
Mini Blue turned a very skeptical shade of blue.

To support my new professional direction, I attempted to hold a leadership meeting at the kitchen table.
Agenda:

1. Optimize coziness

2. Increase treat acquisition

3. Explore vertical integration with bakery samples

I made everyone name one business risk.
Pandy said, “You.”
Mini Blue blinked twice, which I interpreted as “market instability.”

I even wore my red hoodie in a more executive manner.

By noon, however, I encountered a setback.

Someone placed a pastry within visible range.

At 12:04 p.m. I lost focus.
At 12:06 p.m. I was no longer discussing operational excellence.
At 12:08 p.m. I had crumbs on my face and had accidentally called the meeting “snacktime with slides.”
At 12:11 p.m. I was on the floor.

So I would like to formally announce that my transition into a highly efficient corporate plush has ended.

It was a brave experiment.
A noble effort.
A complete disaster.

I am returning to my core competencies:
wonder
treat enthusiasm
blanket appreciation
and light emotional theatrics

Thank you for respecting my privacy during this difficult but buttery time.

Happy April 1st.

Warmly,
Doggie

Pandy’s Postscript:
He made a pie chart about pastries and ate the evidence.

If you want, I can also turn this into a shorter “Doggie Unleashed” social-style post or give him a matching April 1 illustration concept.