Indy Watch-a-thon

I did it.
I sat very still (mostly), brought many snacks (responsibly), and watched every single Indiana Jones movie in order. That is a lot of hats. A lot of running. A lot of “sir, please stop touching ancient things.”

Pandy brought tea.
Mini Blue turned from blue → yellow → purple → concerned teal several times.
I emerged changed.

Below are my very serious plush critiques, organized by movie, emotional arc, and snack compatibility.

🗺️ Raiders of the Lost Ark

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾 (5/5 Whips)

This movie is perfect and I refuse to hear otherwise.

• Indiana Jones runs like he owes someone money

• The hat survives things no hat should survive

• The Ark of the Covenant is introduced and I immediately say “do not open that” and then someone opens that

Best Part:
The ending where the Ark melts faces politely while Indy does the correct thing: looking away.

Doggie Thought:
Sometimes the bravest thing is not punching, but closing your eyes and trusting vibes.

Mini Blue: Calm blue, holding a tiny imaginary fedora.

🔥 Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾🐾 (4/5 Heart-Removal Gestures)

This movie is… darker.
Like someone spilled espresso into the franchise.

• There is yelling

• There are bugs

• There is a man who reaches into another man and takes his heart, which is rude

But also:
Mine cart chase = absolute plush chaos excellence.

Doggie Thought:
Adventure stories should sometimes scare you a little. Growth happens between screams.

Pandy’s Note:
“Doggie covered his eyes during the heart scene but not during the bugs. This is inconsistent.”

🏆 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾+☕ (5/5 Plus One Cup of Tea)

This is the coziest Indiana Jones movie and I will defend this.

• Dad issues, but gentle

• Sean Connery saying words calmly

• Choosing the correct cup = ultimate vibe test

Best Line Energy:
“He chose… wisely.”

Doggie Thought:
True adventure isn’t the treasure—it’s bonding with your dad while avoiding Nazis.

Mini Blue: Soft pink. Emotional support mode.

🧊 Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾 (3/5 Refrigerators)

Ah yes. The movie everyone whispers about.

Things I liked:

• Older Indy still adventuring (respect)

• Aliens that are more curious than evil

• The fridge survived a nuclear blast which feels legally questionable

Things that confused me:

• The monkeys

• The physics

• The fridge

Doggie Thought:
Not all sequels need to exist, but if they do, they should at least bring snacks.

Pandy’s Summary:
“Perfectly fine. Not sacred. Let’s move on.”

⏳ Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾🐾 (4/5 Time Paradoxes)

This one surprised me.

• Aging hero energy (tender)

• Time stuff that made Mini Blue turn orange

• A sense of closure instead of spectacle

It felt less like an adventure movie and more like a reflection on adventuring.

Doggie Thought:
You don’t stop being brave just because you’re tired. You just run slower and think more.

🧠 Overall Plush Conclusions

1. Indiana Jones is less about punching and more about choosing wisely

2. Hats are emotionally important

3. Curiosity is good, but reading warning labels is better

4. Aging heroes deserve dignity, naps, and fewer boulders
   
   

Final Ranking (by Doggie):

1. Last Crusade

2. Raiders

3. Temple of Doom

4. Dial of Destiny

5. Crystal Skull
   
   

(Please do not fight me. I am small.)

🧸 Coming Soon on Doggie Unleashed

• “If Doggie Were an Archaeologist (I Would Dig Snacks)”

• Pandy Explains Why You Should Not Touch Cursed Objects

• Mini Blue Rates Movie Whips by Emotional Safety
  
  

If you watched along with me, tell me:
Which Indiana Jones movie made you feel the most adventurous?

I will be over here polishing my imaginary fedora and thinking about grails. 🐶✨